Happy Memorial Dayish!

Yesterday was Memorial Day and it was BEAUTIFUL! I took my Dad to the Royals game for his birthday and it couldn't have been more perfect. Okay, well they could have won at least but it was still a great time. I'm on a budget so I had to get the cheap seats but look at the great view we had!

I know you're all jealous of my throw back, flat billed Royals hat!

T'was a blast, so grateful to have my Dad in town. 

Today I went lunching with a few lovely work ladies and then to see Bridesmaids. First, I got carded....I guess that means it's time to start wearing grown up clothes and makeup out in public...darn.

Kristen Wig= HILARIOUS. Run, do not walk, to see this movie. But don't take your mom, and DEFINITELY don't take your dad. 

Made me think a little bit more about my life. About where I'll be when all my friends start getting married. Okay I guess they've already started. And here I am, the one looking for a respectable date to take as my "plus one." Maybe I'll start baking more. And become a reckless driver in the hopes that Officer McCutie McAccent will pull me over. JK JK, don't worry I won't endanger any of you fellow KC drivers out there. Definitely made me miss Chicago. Homey Sweet Home. Man of my dreams are you eluding me in the Windy City? TBD. 

In the meantime housing prices are at an all time low which translates to me not being able to sell my house for a loooooong time which means R.Pattzs, I think it's time for you to come check out the Midwest. You will have to come to me. 

What A Lovely Thursday

Yesterday was perfect. Perfect weather, perfect company and perfect wine. Started with a perfect walk with the dogs followed by a perfect lunch with a few lovely ladies and an 80's music show down.

Would have been extra perfect if this boy would have stopped flirting with me the whole time we were there. Just look at him trying to woo me with that smile:

Melt My Heart Not So Tiny Peanut.

The evening came around and I traveled further north than I'd ever been in the state of Kansas to Basehor for a benefit at a winery for Safe Harbor Prison Dogs. Great cause, great friends,  great wine and great puppies made it a perfect evening. 

I heart you Kaylene. And your licky ponies, fuzzie chickens mini doggies and super nice Husband :)

Internal Conflict Continues

I apologize in advance... This is going to be another heavy post. Today I ran across an article about a woman in KC who formed a non profit last year that goes around rescuing abused and neglected animals. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME!!! In college I created basically the same nonprofit, only it stayed in my head and has yet to become reality.

I'm so conflicted. Animals have been a huge passion of mine for years. So why haven't I done anything to make my dream a reality? Is it really my dream? I love my life. My relaxed weekends, sleeping in, mowing my lawn, watching ABC family Harry Potter movie marathons....

I'd be giving up my life the way I know it. Rescuing animals is a full time business. Am I willing to give up my current way of life? Do I have to give up my current life? Am I really that happy in my current life? Can I give up nursing to rescue puppies? The answer to that is a resounding no, nursing is my only income and rescuing animals is a serious money suck. It all sounds unbelievably selfish of me.

There are moments in my day where I think it would be wonderful to move to the country, get the chickens I've always wanted, a baby cow that I can bottle feed and just have a huge dog sanctuary for all the dogs I've saved. These thoughts are fleeting but always recurring.

My life definitely has a giant hole in it right now. A void that has been looming and I'm not sure what to fill it with. Maybe this is the answer? Maybe I should give up my dreams of travel, of lazy afternoons and do something with my life that actually matters. I know I'm already a nurse, and saving lives definitely matters. But I'm still looking for more.

Am I strong enough to handle the abuse I would find? I can't even handle a little baby bunny in pain. Maybe I should just get over myself and get out there. I'm exhausted and sad and confused thinking about it.

And I'm back to the guilt. Guilt I feel because my dogs are staring at me with their big brown eyes wondering what the heck I'm doing right now that could possibly be more important that taking them for a walk. Guilt for blogging, guilt for sleeping in, guilt for abc family movie marathons when we should be outside taking advantage of the beautiful day. When we should be outside saving lives.

On this day that was supposed to be the end of all days, I'm looking for a sign from God.

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow?

Lots of questions today. Am I in the right place? Am I doing the right things? What are the right things? What are my goals in life? What the hell am I doing?

Too many questions for a lifetime let alone an afternoon. What brought this on you ask? Unsure. I'm still recovering from the baby bunny trauma. Kicking myself now for not rushing the little soul to the wildlife hospital that I have now researched and know the exact location and phone number of for future reference. Why do I have such guilt over the lives of small woodland creatures? Why does the preventable loss of life of one small cottontail have me questioning my complete existence?

Guilt. It's a powerful motivator but is it motivating me for the right reasons? It's something I've struggled with my entire life. Ever since watching "The Brave Little Toaster" as a wee girl I've had issues with giving feelings to inanimate objects and thus having major guilt when forced to throw things away. Note to parents, do NOT let your children watch this movie.

But which came first, the chicken or the egg? The confused emotional toddler or the heartwarming Disney movie that caused her to want to save crickets and feed them Twinkies??? (Wall-E is quite possibly the most beautiful and heart wrenching story of all time, rent it now and bring the Kleenex.)

Maybe I'm just over emotional. Maybe I want to save the world. Yes, yes to both. But how to save the world? The root of my question. How to direct my emotion and heart to an avenue that will leave me filled with answers, not questions?

TBD I guess. In the meantime I'll keep feeling and crying over baby bunnies in hopes that my heart and my tears will not lead me and my doggies astray.

On completely different notes:

Today is my dad's birthday. I've never been so grateful to have him so close to me. It makes me feel warm inside. Who randomly decides they want to clean out his daughter's gutters on his birthday? My Dad, that's who. He loves me that much.

I recently found out that they've cancelled my new favorite show, The Chicago Code. I'm really depressed over this. Sometimes you need junky TV to get through the heavy in life. And I really had a crush on officer wasaki. Now I'll have to fork over the money to watch trashy vampire porn on HBO again this summer. True Blood. Amazing.

Google the title of my blog. Tegan and Sara. Equally Amazing.

Tears for Bunnies

Eunice caught a baby bunny today. Or rather a baby bunny ran into Eunice's lap. Let's face it, Eunice probably couldn't catch a bunny if her life depended on it. But today she was in the right place at the very wrong time for this poor little bunny. I screamed and she dropped it. Bless her heart she was just doing what God made her to do.

We ran inside where I commenced to sob uncontrollably. I have this thing where I can't handle trauma when it includes animals. Am I over sensitive? Did I receive two of the "be kind to animal" genes? I don't know. All I know it my heart aches for furry friends. Lucky for me my dad moved to town last fall and being the great guy that he is, he dropped everything to come to mine and the bunny's rescue while I sit sobbing in the living room. God bless my dad. Despite all the rough times we had and the harsh words I've said, he still comes to my side at the drop of a hat. All I have to do is say the words. I don't know how people who don't live by loved ones survive. I'm secretly (or not so secretly) plotting to drive the rest of my family into closer proximity.

I'm growing up and getting wiser but baby bunnies will always make me cry like a baby. It's just who I am. and I'm not planning on changing anytime soon. For now I'll be thankful for those who are stronger than I am and willing to come to my aide, judgement aside. Thanks Dad.

Happy Birthday Scoutie!

Today is Scout's "birthday." 4 years ago today I brought home a skinny, scared little doggie from Iowa. He was about one then which makes him about five today!!! Scout was rescued from a shelter who was going to euanize him because he was so afraid. How did he get so afraid you ask? We'll never know for sure but there are definite horrors in his past. He's afraid of all people, especially men.

But that's the past. Today he is much habilitated. He still likes to hide when strange people come over but I've never seen him so happy. He makes my heart melt. I've had him longer than Eunice but he definitely takes the back seat to his boldozer sister. She gets all up in your face with her " pet me pet me" attitude and it's easy to let scootie slide to the background. I have to carve out special, scout only time. Our favorite time together is nap time. Unlike Eunice, scout would and will nap all day if you let him. He likes to snuggle. Don't judge.

Scout has the ability to make all the worries fade away. He looks at me with his ears all perked up and suddenly he's the only thing that matters. He talks to me in the morning and he sings in the car. He snorkles in his water bowl and he loves to splash in the kiddie pool. He's quirky and he's sweet. I wouldn't trade him for a thing.

So happy adoptive birthday buddy, here is to the next five :)

What day is today? Today is Mothers Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there!

It's on days like these that I especially miss my mother. I miss her every day but the last few weeks it's grown into a longing. I long for my mother to be up the street so I can walk my doggies up and just say, "Hey!" I long for her to come over and scold me for eating macaroni and cheese everyday, and then give me a wonderful cooking lesson. Mother's are emotional business. Cherish yours if you live close to her and if not, let her know that you long for her too. 

On another note:

I may not be a mother to any human variety of children but I do have something, or rather someone: Eunice.

Meet Eunice. She is my approximately 8 year old lab (give or take five years??) from animal haven. She was found as a stray and then she found my heart. I was visiting animal haven to sign up to be a volunteer when BAM! Like a paintball on your shin she hit me. There she was, sitting in the cold, shivering with her big brown eyes staring up at me saying, "Save me Lady."And so I did. 

Whether it's because she was mom less for who knows how long on the streets or because that's just her I don't know but she is definitely a momma's girl. She follows me everywhere, whining incessantly when I shut her out of the bathroom door so I can pee. Refusing to let me pet or give any attention whatsoever to any other animal, including her brother Scout (poor scoutie, more to come on him later). And the worst part is when I lay down to take a nap and she insists on sitting at the foot of bed whining at me to get up and play with her. I know she's saying, "Mom!! You're so lazy get out of bed its 2:00 in the afternoon!!" And all I want to say is:

Why is it that dogs lay around and nap all day so long as you're up and doing things around the house. But the minute you lay down and the house goes quiet, they're on high alert. Like wait a minute, we can't both be sleeping at the same time! I must annoy the crap out of you until you get back to being a productive member of society. Scout is of course the exception to this rule, that boy loves a nap.  I find myself trying to trick her into thinking I'm awake and doing things by having the TV on. Usually this works for a good five minutes before she's on to me and the whining continues. 

Despite all that I love her. All 65lbs of poop eating, scoutie humping and momma lovin of her. 

Yes, her scarf says "I love my mom." And no she's not dead, she's sunbathing. 

Life is the Most Spectacular Show on Earth

Well bloggers, here we are. I've become insanely jealous of my blogging friends for their vast ocean of blogging creativity. That, plus I'm attempting to find a way to put this very expensive new I pad I had to have to good use. Conclusion, start my own blog.

I'm not sure that I have anything particularly interesting to say but I don't think that's really the point. I've decided it's a venue for you to get to know me and for me to get to know myself because let's face it, you can't hide from yourself when it's typed on a page and posted on the inter web for all of the world to see can you?

Besides, it's true what the new " Water for Elephants" promos are saying...(I'm super psyched to see this movie btw) "life is the most spectacular show on earth." It may also be true that it's the only show on earth but I'll overlook that. So why not document it?

So this is my life. Routine, sometimes boring, and full of bad grammar and black dog hair but spectacular life nonetheless. Welcome to it.