So yesterday at work was maybe my least favorite day of my adult life ever. There was a series of poor communication followed by me getting my ass chewed for something that wasn't even a little bit my fault.
Why do physicians think that they can treat nurses like crap? Just because we have different initials after our names and didn't spend out entire lives in school they think they have permission to walk all over us. Well I've got news for you certain jerk of a man who shall go unnamed (you know who you are), we are all in this for the same reason, the PATIENT, so get over yourself and start acting like a man not a penis.
Okay, now I feel better. Don't worry, I got my revenge via the PSN...mwahhhhhaa.
So thankfully following that I have three days off which seems like a much needed vacation. Alas, all I've been able to think about is the incident. So in an effort to get it off my mind I went to visit the doggies at the shelter.
As I was throwing a tennis ball for an adorable black labbie I had a revelation. Why can't we talk a lesson from the dogs? Imagine if everyone at work smiled from ear to ear and wagged their tail (not sure what the human equivalent of this is..) when you showed up. Imagine if they wanted nothing more to serve you and make you happy and you for them. What a world that would be. I'm just saying, it's worth looking into.
It definitely made me think though, why would I volunteer to go to work and get treated like crap? Granted this is not an every day occurrence. I would have been long gone if it were. And I love the nurses I work with, they are my family. I just think I'd rather surround myself with tail wagging happy eyed dogs who want nothing more from me then a pat on the butt and to be allowed to lick my face.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
No, this post is not about dating. I'm done thinking about that remember? I've got bigger fish to fry anyways.
If you're new to my blog or to my life, let me catch you up. I'm having a quarter life crisis. From the outside, all appears wonderful and blissful. I have a family that loves me, a great job where I get to take care of sick little babies all day, I own my own house, I have two great dogs...what more could I want right?
Well all of that is just fucking dandy. Yes, I swore. Don't get me wrong I am EXTREMELY grateful for all of my fortunes and I know I have everyone except myself to thank for them, mainly my parents and God.
But the truth is, I'm screaming inside for someone to tell me what to do. In my last post I talked about how I've been struggling with volunteering. I've always been very passionate about rescue dogs. In college I wrote a business plan for my own dog rescue, "Changed for Good," named after the song from Wicked. Wicked is an inspiration for all things in my life but especially my passion for animals, because, I'm the one that has been changed for good by my two rescue pups. But for a lack of money and know how I became a nurse by profession and recently started volunteering again at a local shelter to try and fill that void.
Instead, the void has become a deep pit and I find myself in tears every time I leave the shelter. My sister thinks that I need to keep going, that it is "stirring something up inside of me, and that's a good thing." And part of me wants to just kick myself and force myself up from my fetal position and get on with it. Life sucks, mine doesn't, so quit crying and get a move on helping those in need.
Part of my problem is my growing dissatisfaction with my job. The 12 hour + days are kicking my ass. My motivation is waning (is that a real word?) and my lack of a desire to continue my education in this field is concerning. I love the babies and their families but it's not enough for my heart right now.
So back to the root of my problem, the little voice inside my head that is screaming for me to figure out what my purpose is, what path to take. Right now I can't even find the path, I'm a blind man crawling in the forest grasping for anything that resembles a path to jump on.
I've recently started eating healthy and "natural." I have a real interest in having a garden this summer and as I was researching "how to grow an organic vegetable garden" on the interweb I stumbled across this amazing blog Farm Girl Fare.
This amazing middle aged woman up and moved from California to middle of nowhere Missouri and became a farmer. Now, I have no intention of moving to middle of nowhere anywhere but at the same time I'm jealous of her. I want a huge garden and chickens and donkeys and a dog sanctuary.
When I told this to my mom, she asked me where this woman got all her money. Humph. Money, the ever lasting problem. And now they've increased the cost of the powerball tickets making it less likely for me to play and win.
How can I live organically, somewhere beautiful where I don't have to hear the beer bottles of my neighbor clinking outside my window, where my kids can pick fresh vegetables from my garden and learn that chickens are pets, not food (for some reason I can't consciously explain, I've been picking the chicken out of my food lately) and yet not be isolated and still have community and be close enough to go see Wicked and go to the dog beach and drop my kids off at grandma's house and go out to a nice restaurant.
If you know where this place exists, please let me know. I want a rural urban life. And I want to save animals and rescue homeless and abandoned dogs. I have no money, but all the heart.
I've been applying for second jobs to increase my bank account so that someday I might be able to do something about my unsettled-ness. Some of them are nursing related and some are not. I have no idea what I want to do, it's in God's hands. All I know is I do not want to watch Eunice's face in the window anymore as I pull out of my driveway in the morning, not to return for 13 hours.
If you're new to my blog or to my life, let me catch you up. I'm having a quarter life crisis. From the outside, all appears wonderful and blissful. I have a family that loves me, a great job where I get to take care of sick little babies all day, I own my own house, I have two great dogs...what more could I want right?
Well all of that is just fucking dandy. Yes, I swore. Don't get me wrong I am EXTREMELY grateful for all of my fortunes and I know I have everyone except myself to thank for them, mainly my parents and God.
But the truth is, I'm screaming inside for someone to tell me what to do. In my last post I talked about how I've been struggling with volunteering. I've always been very passionate about rescue dogs. In college I wrote a business plan for my own dog rescue, "Changed for Good," named after the song from Wicked. Wicked is an inspiration for all things in my life but especially my passion for animals, because, I'm the one that has been changed for good by my two rescue pups. But for a lack of money and know how I became a nurse by profession and recently started volunteering again at a local shelter to try and fill that void.
Instead, the void has become a deep pit and I find myself in tears every time I leave the shelter. My sister thinks that I need to keep going, that it is "stirring something up inside of me, and that's a good thing." And part of me wants to just kick myself and force myself up from my fetal position and get on with it. Life sucks, mine doesn't, so quit crying and get a move on helping those in need.
Part of my problem is my growing dissatisfaction with my job. The 12 hour + days are kicking my ass. My motivation is waning (is that a real word?) and my lack of a desire to continue my education in this field is concerning. I love the babies and their families but it's not enough for my heart right now.
So back to the root of my problem, the little voice inside my head that is screaming for me to figure out what my purpose is, what path to take. Right now I can't even find the path, I'm a blind man crawling in the forest grasping for anything that resembles a path to jump on.
I've recently started eating healthy and "natural." I have a real interest in having a garden this summer and as I was researching "how to grow an organic vegetable garden" on the interweb I stumbled across this amazing blog Farm Girl Fare.
This amazing middle aged woman up and moved from California to middle of nowhere Missouri and became a farmer. Now, I have no intention of moving to middle of nowhere anywhere but at the same time I'm jealous of her. I want a huge garden and chickens and donkeys and a dog sanctuary.
When I told this to my mom, she asked me where this woman got all her money. Humph. Money, the ever lasting problem. And now they've increased the cost of the powerball tickets making it less likely for me to play and win.
How can I live organically, somewhere beautiful where I don't have to hear the beer bottles of my neighbor clinking outside my window, where my kids can pick fresh vegetables from my garden and learn that chickens are pets, not food (for some reason I can't consciously explain, I've been picking the chicken out of my food lately) and yet not be isolated and still have community and be close enough to go see Wicked and go to the dog beach and drop my kids off at grandma's house and go out to a nice restaurant.
If you know where this place exists, please let me know. I want a rural urban life. And I want to save animals and rescue homeless and abandoned dogs. I have no money, but all the heart.
I've been applying for second jobs to increase my bank account so that someday I might be able to do something about my unsettled-ness. Some of them are nursing related and some are not. I have no idea what I want to do, it's in God's hands. All I know is I do not want to watch Eunice's face in the window anymore as I pull out of my driveway in the morning, not to return for 13 hours.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Lord Give Me Strength
I've been slacking lately in my volunteering. I don't know why but it's so easy to talk myself out of it. That's a lie, I do know why. Two reasons really. One is my two black labbies staring at me out the window as I drive away wondering why I'm not staying to play with them.
And two, my heart breaks when I'm there. It didn't use to affect me as much in the beginning. Today, after I walked a sweet little dog named Chloe who had been abandoned at the gates of the shelter I sat in my car and cried, praying to the Lord, "Please give me strength."
What good am I doing? What more can I do? They look at me with these eyes, all full of hope and joy that I will take them and then all full of pain and sadness when I return them to their kennel. There must be a bigger purpose for me and this pain I feel for them. There must be more for me in this plight than short 20 minute walks.
I'm waiting God, "who takes hold of my right hand and says, 'Do not fear, I will help you."'
Help me make a bigger difference for all the starfish.
And two, my heart breaks when I'm there. It didn't use to affect me as much in the beginning. Today, after I walked a sweet little dog named Chloe who had been abandoned at the gates of the shelter I sat in my car and cried, praying to the Lord, "Please give me strength."
What good am I doing? What more can I do? They look at me with these eyes, all full of hope and joy that I will take them and then all full of pain and sadness when I return them to their kennel. There must be a bigger purpose for me and this pain I feel for them. There must be more for me in this plight than short 20 minute walks.
I'm waiting God, "who takes hold of my right hand and says, 'Do not fear, I will help you."'
Help me make a bigger difference for all the starfish.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
For Auld Lang Syne
Happy 2012. It's a new year. Alas I did not win the powerball last night, I guess it will be a new year without millions of dollars. For now. It's a long year, a lot could happen.
Is it lame that I'd rather be in bed with my labbies watching the live Coldplay concert at midnight instead of in the rain with a bunch of drunkos out a hundred bucks? Oh well, I don't think it's lame and that's exactly what we did. And since I had no hangover to recover from this morning I made it to the early service at church and spent the day walking the dogs and putting away Christmas decorations, which by the way seem to have been up for only five minutes.
Now I'm sitting on the couch with my second cup of hot chocolate watching one of my favorite movies, "My Best Friend's Wedding," which is making me homesick for Chicago.
I shall make no resolution except one. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a little obsessed with finding the right guy. I've done everything I can do from online dating to trying to pick up people at work and blind dating up the wazoo. So my resolution this year is to give it up to God. I'm lifting the weight off of my shoulders and admitting I have no control.
I will still try to continue to do my part of leaving my house and making myself available. The rest is out of my hands.
So cheers to a new year, new attitudes and hopes for the best year yet. I intend to surround myself with those I love, two legged and four, and enjoy the ride.
Is it lame that I'd rather be in bed with my labbies watching the live Coldplay concert at midnight instead of in the rain with a bunch of drunkos out a hundred bucks? Oh well, I don't think it's lame and that's exactly what we did. And since I had no hangover to recover from this morning I made it to the early service at church and spent the day walking the dogs and putting away Christmas decorations, which by the way seem to have been up for only five minutes.
Now I'm sitting on the couch with my second cup of hot chocolate watching one of my favorite movies, "My Best Friend's Wedding," which is making me homesick for Chicago.
I shall make no resolution except one. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a little obsessed with finding the right guy. I've done everything I can do from online dating to trying to pick up people at work and blind dating up the wazoo. So my resolution this year is to give it up to God. I'm lifting the weight off of my shoulders and admitting I have no control.
I will still try to continue to do my part of leaving my house and making myself available. The rest is out of my hands.
So cheers to a new year, new attitudes and hopes for the best year yet. I intend to surround myself with those I love, two legged and four, and enjoy the ride.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)