Church it Is

My fate came down to a coin toss. I tied for the weekend position at work with one of my favorite coworkers and apparently the most professional way to decide was to flip a coin. Coins hate me, so of course I lost. Congratulations to Therese though!

Everyone keeps telling me that it's meant to be, that I'm going to meet someone and require my weekends to be available for courting. Ha. Well until that happens, I will be attending church. It's all apart of God's plan.

We will still be eating Ramen black labbies. And I most likely will not be able to go to Africa like I had hoped this spring. (for a nursing mission type thing with some ladies at work.) But, it's all apart of God's plan.

In the meantime, work has gotten a little hairy. Our census is unseasonably low and falling swiftly. No more sick babies = good for the babies but bad for the nurses who's livelihoods depend on them. Everyone is applying for other jobs just in case we don't come out of the slump. Myself included in this, I'll keep you posted on my progress.....

Thanksgiving is next week and soon winter will be here. The trees are bare and the house is cold. Normally I would be looking forward to the holidays but as I have to work Christmas this year, it just doesn't feel the same. In a blink it will be over and we will be staring at March...watching a waiting for the first sign of my spring tulips.

So here is to worship, may it bring to me these next six months all that I seek in community, companionship and direction.

Peanut Turns One

When you work in the NICU you get to make life long friends. Not just with the fabulous women you work with but with the patients and their families who's lives you get to change. 

We see a lot of struggle, a lot of tears and a lot of sadness. So when we get the opportunity to celebrate we go all out! One of my favorite NICU grads is turning one this week. When his mommy said she wanted to have a celebration with his hospital friends, I decided it was the perfect opportunity to put my party planning skills to work. 

This birthday is a big deal. When peanut was born almost 15 weeks early he weighed only 1 pound and was 12 inches long. He went through more in his first week of life, including losing his sweet brother, than I have in all of my 25 years. He is truly a miracle. 

Theme: Dogs. Duh, what did you expect? 

These cupcakes were adorable and delicious!

Birthday boy, not so thrilled with the hat that I hand crafted for him :/ 

Not too sure about the cupcake either....

"Mom, where'd the frosting go?!?"

Peanut and some of his favorite NICU nurses :)

Happy Birthday Peanut, you've touched my life more than I ever could have imagined. I look forward to watching you grow for many years to come. 

To Church or Not to Church

I've been church shopping. "But Rachel," you say, "You've lived here for 2 years, what is taking you so long to find a church?" Okay peeps, I'm a slacker. I've been unmotivated and plus I slept the first year I was here. No joke. But now it's time. I've decided I need a spiritual family. And somewhere other to go than work and the dog park.

So I've been searching for the right fit. It's taking forever because I only have like one free weekend a month lately. Alas, just when I feel I may have found one I can call home, dilemma comes calling.

They've opened a premium position at work that would require me to work every Saturday and Sunday for the next six months. In return I get a boatload more money. I need the money. I'm tired of eating Ramen and my dog's ribs are showing. JK, don't call animal cruelty on me.

So the decision I have to make is, do I put my church family on hold for six more months to earn some extra money? This is the audience participation portion of the show, leave your comments below.

I'm stumped. Please help me unstump myself.

Tricks, Tees and Tiles

H-A-Double L-O-W-Double E-N Spells HALLOWEEN!! I so remember this song from the costume parade in the second grade when I dressed as a baby. Oh what's that you say? Visual please? Well ok!

This was a big improvement from kindergarten Halloween....all I remember is being dressed as a princess and being late for school, not sure if I missed the bus or what. But my Dad dropped me off and I was just sobbing because I was late, pounding on the class room door for them to let me in. Funny how it's the trauma we remember so many years later.....

Anyways....time for DIY Kitchen Floor Update. ATTENTION other DIY's thinking about attempting this project. TURN BACK NOW! I will never tile anything again. Period. I just hope the next time I feel crafty I will be able to return to this moment in which my body is in agony from the physical labor. I've never worked so hard in my life.

Here is the before shot:

Doesn't look so bad you say? Well I hate it. And it's gone now so keep it to yourself.

DAY 1: DEMO=A Biotch

I started using an ax until the tiles on the ceiling in the basement below the kitchen began to shake. For fear of having to retile the basement shower I quickly switched over to hammer and crow bar. This took twice as long, was twice as painful and half as gratifying.

Total time to demo floor: 5 hours

Total time to remove fridge from Kitchen through tiny doorway so that demo could begin: 4 hours

After demo I couldn't feel my body. So I went to bed a 7:30pm. Crying myself to sleep from the pain. 

Day 2: Wonderboard

What is wonderboard you ask? It's a cement board that you're supposed to lay under tile to keep the tile from moving and cracking from the changes in weather. In other words....it's a pain in the rear end. It is definitely NOT wonderful. False claim. It's heavy and bulky and it shreds your hands and safety gloves to pieces. But being the amazing DIY'er I am, I got it done. 

Day 3: TILE

I got the day off work so I could lay tile. Of course after day 2 I was too exhausted to lay tile and again went to bed far too early. And apparently I was so excited to be making progress I forgot to take pictures of the tile laying process. Things got a little tricky around the edges. Nothing a power tile saw rental from the Home Depot couldn't fix though. So here is the tile all laid. 

Day 4: Grout

Grouting was the most fun. Maybe it's because it was the last thing?? I mixed the grout in the dark in my driveway with all the neighbors watching me with my safety glasses and gas mask. Yes, grout powder causes cancer. Here we are post grout. 

It's a little dirty still, final pictures to come in future post. I think I'll just go lay on my new, clean tile. And maybe lick it. JK, or am I? 

And here is a little Halloween Treat from my black labbies "happily" sporting their Halloween Tees. 

In honor of Halloween, do us all a favor and go out and adopt a BLACK dog or cat. They are the last to go at the shelter as I'm learning in my first week of volunteering. If you can look past the black dog hair they make an excellent family. 

What will we be doing tonight? Hiding inside pretending we aren't home because post tile project I have $12.00 in my bank account. Sorry kids, candy just wasn't in the budget this year. 

Happy Halloween!

Little Loves

Welp, the tile project is well under way. I thought I'd take a break and let my bloody fingers rest to update you on my weekend. JK, my fingers aren't bloody, I'm a nurse people, I take safety seriously.

Anywhoo, update on DIY project later. This past weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with two of my favorite one and a half year olds. Former patients of mine, they are both doing great and we had a blast. While mom and dad enjoyed a needed night away, we partied until the wee hours, I mean until 7:30. And then I fell asleep at 9:00. No big deal. We were tired.

Just look at these goobers....adorable. 

"Oh no, I'm not up to any trouble."

Sweet as pie :)

So thanks for letting me hang with the littles, it just blows my mind everytime I see kids that I used to take care of in the NICU. It makes me think, "Wow, I really have done something good."

Love, Life and Loss

This is where I am today:

On Wednesday night, my grandmother passed away. It was expected, but unexpected as many deaths are. We knew it was coming ( see Big Sky Country ). She lived in Montana and had struggled with Alzheimer's for the past six years. There are not words to describe the effects of this disease on the mind, body and family. In the end, it was a blessing for her to go and meet the Lord. That night I prayed harder than I have in a long long time, that He would open His arms to her and heal her mind and body. 

I was lucky to have seen her in August for the last time. While I knew it would probably be the last time, it's hard in that moment to grasp the finality of it. It's hard to know now what to do. What to say to my mom as I hear her sadness over the phone. Longing to be with my family. 

That was Wednesday and on Thursday I was forced to put on my happy party smile to face the other half of my family for a different kind of event. A wedding. I'm not going to lie, it was not easy. I broke down in sobs on multiple occasions. Feeling alone despite being surrounded by my family. 

But despite my torn emotions, the wedding went off without a hitch. The bride was beautiful. 

This is the Groom, not the Bride. 

My adorable cousins, flower girl and ring boy.

Here she comes.

I failed msierably to curl my own hair, tears streaming down my face the whole time wishing my mom had been there to help me. 

The cake was delicious. 

And then, just like that, it was over. 

I went to bed at 7:00 last night. Emotionally and physically exhausted from the emotions of the weekend. Mostly recovered today I dread facing the rest of this week. Filled with work and cold weather. It felt like Thanksgiving today. Inside and outside. Soon it will be and soon I will be with my family. 

So this is where I am. Unsure whether to smile or cry. So for now I'll just be. Snuggled under my stack of blankets and surrounded by black lab love. Hallelujah. 

And Now For A Poem:

EE Cummings - i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)